Couple of days ago I decided to clean up my inbox and on the draft section I discovered an email that I've written 4 years ago but it was never send. It was meant for my soul sister as I used to call her. Our friendship started over a night and ended over a night. It's so crazy when you meet some people and you instantly consider them family. Is that familiarity the sense of closeness and belonging that you can't explain why is happening but you know it is.
This girl and I we met over 6 years ago we were at the same class, but we never spoke until another mutual friend introduce us. We apparently lived at the same block too, what a coincidence, it must be fate we thought. We were so different but so alike in so many ways. We knew we will be friends for a long time if not forever.
For 2 years we were inseparable, we went on endless adventures together, fall in love and fallen out of love with boys that broke our heart. We cried together over those boys and drank together. We had each other and that was all that mattered.
I always been the one with the dark side and she made me see things differently with more light. And I taught her how to get out of her comfort zone and be brave. We were completing each other in so many ways.
...And suddenly she disappeared.
I looked for her everywhere, I asked people around, texted her, called her , emailed her, everything that I could possibly think of but nothing.
How is that even possible I kept thinking, people don't vanish like that? There must be an explanation. I didn't know what to think, is she angry at me, is she okay, is she even alive?
Everyday they were terrible thoughts passing from my mind, I just didn't know what to think how to handle it.
After, lots of thought I decided to ask the people at the university if they knew something. And they did, she apparently dropped out and return home. At least, she is okay I thought.
But I wasn't okay, I felt abandoned, lost and alone.
The same emotions you experience when you break up if not worse. You lose a person that you loved and wanted in your life.
I remember reading our texts and seeing our pictures I felt sad angry and betrayed. I deserved an answer a goodbye something that could possibly give me closure. I cried myself to sleep blaming myself thinking that I have said or done something and I hurt her even if I wasn't intent to. All these feelings were overwhelming until I bump into her boyfriend and found out that she ghosted him as well and all of our friends. She disappeared from our lives all of sudden. Some of them were sad but most of them were angry. We deserve an explanation another friend said. No matter what happens the most mature thing you can do is call up the people who been there for you and say a goodbye if nothing else. I found what was like to be ghosted the ugly way. God I didn't even know there was a word for that.
I still don't know anything about her, but I am okay with that. People fall apart nothing last forever.
With time gone by, I forgot what is like to be ghosted and I done something similar to a dear friend of mine (read the story here). I guess sometimes we all do things irrationally without considering the impact that our actions could have on other people. What I have learnt from this is not to give up on people,everything happens for a reason. And we all need an explanation a reason why, so we can have closure and be able to understand the other person's reasoning.
Have you ever felt like that?