Thursday, 11 August 2016

I Was Ghosted By My Best Friend

"The worst thing about being ghosted is to know that you didn't deserve a goodbye"
Few months ago I've written a post on growing apart from my childhood best friend (Read it here: Growing Up and Growing Apart) that ended up with me eventually ghosting her (I know a d*ck move), but having written this post I forgot what is like to be ghosted. 
Couple of days ago I decided to clean up my inbox and on the draft section I discovered an email that I've written 4 years ago but it was never send. It was meant for my soul sister as I used to call her. Our friendship started over a night and ended over a night. It's so crazy when you meet some people and you instantly consider them family. Is that familiarity the sense of closeness and belonging that you can't explain why is happening but you know it is.


This girl and I we met over 6 years ago we were at the same class, but we never spoke until another mutual friend introduce us. We apparently lived at the same block too, what a coincidence, it must be fate we thought.  We were so different but so alike in so many ways. We knew we will be friends for a long time if not forever. 

For 2 years we were inseparable, we went on endless adventures together, fall in love and fallen out of love with boys that broke our heart. We cried together over those boys and drank together. We had each other and that was all that mattered. 
I always been the one with the dark side and she made me see things differently with more light. And I taught her how to get out of her comfort zone and be brave. We were completing each other in so many ways. 

...And suddenly she disappeared. 

I looked for her everywhere, I asked people around, texted her, called her , emailed her, everything that I could possibly think of but nothing. 
How is that even possible I kept thinking, people don't vanish like that? There must be an explanation. I didn't know what to think, is she angry at me, is she okay, is she even alive? 
Everyday they were terrible thoughts passing from my mind, I just didn't know what to think how to handle it. 

After, lots of thought I decided to ask the people at the university if they knew something. And they did, she apparently dropped out and return home. At least, she is okay I thought. 
But I wasn't okay, I felt abandoned, lost and alone.
The same emotions you experience when you break up if not worse. You lose a person that you loved and wanted in your life. 

I remember reading our texts and seeing our pictures I felt sad angry and betrayed. I deserved an answer a goodbye something that could possibly give me closure. I cried myself to sleep blaming myself thinking that I have said or done something and I hurt her even if I wasn't intent to. All these feelings were overwhelming until I bump into her boyfriend and found out that she ghosted him as well and all of our friends. She disappeared from our lives all of sudden. Some of them were sad but most of them were angry. We deserve an explanation another friend said. No matter what happens the most mature thing you can do is call up the people who been there for you and say a goodbye if nothing else. I found what was like to be ghosted the ugly way. God I didn't even know there was a word for that. 
I still don't know anything about her, but I am okay with that. People fall apart nothing last forever. 

With time gone by, I forgot what is like to be ghosted and I done something similar to a dear friend of mine (read the story here). I guess sometimes we all do things irrationally without considering the impact that our actions could have on other people. What I have learnt from this is not to give up on people,everything happens for a reason. And we all need an explanation a reason why, so we can have closure and be able to understand the other person's reasoning. 

Have you ever felt like that?

28 comments:

  1. That is so sad! I don't know if people realize that this hurts the people that care about them.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good for you for recognizing your downfalls. It's never nice to be ghosted. Better to just say it straight and both be on the level. Just like you deserved an explanation, so does your friend.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow - I didn't know people actually did that - I'm so sorry it happened to you :( That must have really hurt.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I don't think I've ever experienced anything quite like this before - but I can only imagine the heartache you must have been going through. I will say that despite our best efforts there are always times when we act irrationally and do things without thinking about how the other person will feel. We are only human after all!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh its that girl you were telling me about when we went out for the Indian meal a few months ago in Central right? Its so strange that she ghosted you all, including her own boyfriend but the thing is you guys don't even know if she is alive? I think she did it because she wanted to reinvent herself but still you guys definitely deserve an explanation it is only fair.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I don't think this has ever happened to me, and I seriously can't imagine how it feels. I feel like she must've had her reasons, but it's still a pretty terrible thing to implicate onto someone.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Closure is definitely important especially if you've been close for a long time. It's good that you realized how it feels to be left and it's definitely important to just talk to them about. It's sort of showing respect for the things that you went through together when you were close.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yes I've had a couple similar situations over the years.

    ReplyDelete
  9. What a sad story and really touch me dear.I was happened to lost some contact of my old best friend,but until now I also can´t find them.So,I really knows how you felt.
    It´s absolutely not nice feeling to be ghosted.
    Have a wonderful sunday evening and take care dear.
    XOX,Kintan

    http://kintanfashion.blogspot.de

    ReplyDelete
  10. Awe, that's horrible!! It's always good to just let go of the anger though. Consider that maybe she's dealing with something you couldn't imagine. You never really know a person. And you'll be better off at peace with the situation.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I didn't even knowing ghosting was a real term until this post but it happened to me with a work colleague whom i was close with. She just disappeared and I never heard from her again (although i know from mutual friends that she's ok and she's around) and it does hurt but you just have to accept that sometimes people have their own struggles. Kudos on recognising your downfalls - and remember - it's never to late to apologise and provide closure xx

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think it's crazy how you can be close to someone and then the next min they are not there any more.

    Love,
    Ivelisse | CarnationDreams.com

    ReplyDelete
  13. I also felt the same once and could totally relate with you!It really feels awful!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Such a bad experience, hopefully nobody else survive it..

    Natasa

    ReplyDelete
  15. I've never heard of the term "ghosted" till reading your post. The closest things to being ghosted I guess is when I had a falling out with a friend and I've tried to contact her too like you, but she just ignored me. It's awful, isn't it? Life moves on though.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I didn't really know what ghosting was, I am not sure how I would feel if I was treated that way, I know I wouldn't do it to anyone else but it is interesting how fleeting some friendships are and I have to say I have had a few come and go (not quite in that way though)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thinking back I had one time someone started ghosting me out of the blue and I have never seen her again, which I still think is a shame. The worst thing I think is not knowing if you maybe did something wrong and if yes, what you did wrong....

    ReplyDelete
  18. I think if she dropped out she had other things to think about at the time but not to let you know where she was or what was happening is quite selfish. To be honest I think you are better without this type of friend around

    ReplyDelete
  19. No this has never happened to me before but I know it does happen a lot. So frustrating.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I have friends that have moved on for whatever reason and I do find it sad but that is life......people change and sometimes the friendships don't survive

    ReplyDelete
  21. It is such a shame that this happens but she probably had her reasons. It doesn't make it easy though x

    ReplyDelete
  22. I am sad it has happened to you and whilst it hasn't happened to me, I hope you do get some closure x

    ReplyDelete
  23. I had a boyfriend who ghosted me and have to say it's one of the weirdest experiences out!

    ReplyDelete
  24. I've never heard of ghosting and don't remember being ghosted. I have drifted from friends though but the reasons usually were moving countries, school changes or simply differences - nothing personal. It's interesting how someone is able just to 'disappear' and sorry it has happened to you or even that you felt the need to do it to someone else...

    Please vote for The Fairytale Pretty Picture in the Amara Interior Blog Awards

    ReplyDelete
  25. Yes this has happened so many times in my life but I'm pretty sure I'm guilty of doing it to other people too. I guess as you get older and circumstances change so do your friends x

    ReplyDelete
  26. Oh wow, I can imagine how you felt. How strange to just disappear without telling anyone.. I wounder how she felt to!?

    ReplyDelete
  27. How bizarre to just disappear and not say a word. It must feel very strange x

    ReplyDelete