When did we fall apart?"
Time went by, we finished school, I decided to chase my impossible dream so I moved to London, she wanted to become a teacher so she went in a local college. We talked frequently through skype and kept up with each other's adventures through facebook. Until last year, we slowly started drifting away from each other, suddenly there was no conversation topic I always have things to say but this time I had nothing. I can't remember when all started if I could someway reverse the time and go to that very moment we fall apart I would but sadly I can't.
When I went back home last summer everything was different I was different, I changed. But she didn't. I could no longer understand how she would get so excited by facebook likes she would always ask me to comment and like her photos, don't get me wrong facebook likes are good but I wouldn't get upset if no one liked my pictures. I never felt like I needed to prove anything to anyone anyways. I'm too old for that, I thought to myself. Maybe is me who is in the wrong. I lived the real adult life since I was 18, I was forced to grow up and be responsible in order to survive.I'm no longer a teenager, and no longer is she. We both got hit by the inevitable force of change. There are parts of me who are still longing the care free life I once had with her when we were two silly girls dreaming of going away and chasing our little gypsy dreams. My difference with her is that I wasn't afraid I never been, I went for things she settled for things. Many times she will bring me back to reality telling me that what I want is never gonna happen, in a way she was right she was realistic and I was just dreamer but when we are young that's all we really have, our precious little dreams, that gives us hope and a reason to get up in the morning. And just like that we became strangers disguised in familiar faces we didn't have anything in common anymore our conversations consist of"how are you? Fine you?Fine, thank you" and then silence.
I came to the sad realization that the little girl who hold my hand throughout high school is no longer my best friend she turned into an acquaintance someone I used to know. We no longer going to be bridesmaids on each other's wedding nor raise our children together as we dreamed of. Maybe the "forever" we promised was too long to comprehend at 10, nothing really last forever anyway. Is ghosting the solution? no is not it might seem as a juvenile act, but a disintegrated relationship is hard to fix, we can't dwell on the past. So, I decided to ghost her, it wasn't easy but I felt the need to do it.
Maybe am wrong maybe one day I will regret it and it would probably be too late. I do look up to her on facebook from time to time, I want to know she is okay and happy with her life. Many times I am tempted to message her by then again i just don't.
She is part of my past and who I am today, she will always be in my heart after all she was my childhood buddy.
"Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled."